"Ma'am, but who will marry you if you become an IAS officer? You'll be too powerful for any man to handle." These were the words that greeted me when I announced my decision to prepare for UPSC at a family gathering. I'm Kavya Sharma, and today I serve as an Assistant Collector in Maharashtra, ranked 89 in UPSC CSE 2019.
This is not just my success story—it's a reality check about what female UPSC aspirants face every day. The challenges go beyond syllabus and optional subjects. We fight battles on multiple fronts: safety, society, stereotypes, and our own self-doubt. But we also have unique strengths that, when channeled right, make us unstoppable.
The Starting Point: A Dream Against All Odds
Growing up in Pune, I always dreamed of serving the country. My father was a government school teacher, and I saw how even small positive changes in administration could impact hundreds of lives. When I scored 85% in 12th standard, everyone expected me to pursue engineering or medicine.
But I had different plans. I wanted to join the civil services. The moment I announced this decision in 2016, the questions started pouring in: "Why not settle for a safe job?" "What about marriage and family?" "Is this really suitable for girls?"
"The biggest challenge wasn't the UPSC syllabus—it was convincing everyone, including myself sometimes, that a girl from a middle-class family could dream this big."
Challenges as a Female Aspirant
Safety Concerns
Late-night study sessions, traveling to libraries, staying in hostels
Social Stereotypes
Questions about marriage vs career, family expectations
Lack of Support
Finding mentors, peer groups, and understanding environment
Financial Independence
Managing expenses, convincing family for investment in preparation
The Reality of Safety Concerns
Moving to Delhi for preparation meant finding a safe PG. After visiting 15+ accommodations, I realized most had no proper security, irregular electricity, or were in unsafe localities. The "girls' section" in most libraries closed by 8 PM, while boys could study till midnight.
I spent my first two months just finding a secure place to live and study. This is a month that male aspirants use for actual preparation—a head start we rarely get.
Societal Pressure vs. Self-Belief
What Society Said
- "You're 22, focus on marriage proposals instead"
- "Government jobs are for men, they need to support families"
- "What if you get posted far from home after marriage?"
- "You'll become too independent, no man will like that"
What I Told Myself
- "My dreams are not negotiable, marriage can wait"
- "The country needs honest officers, regardless of gender"
- "I'll find a partner who supports my career goals"
- "Independence is strength, not a weakness"
The Turning Point: During my second attempt preparation, my grandmother told me, "Beta, if you clear this exam, you'll inspire other girls in our family to dream bigger." That's when I realized—this wasn't just about my career anymore. I was breaking a ceiling for others to follow.
Finding Solutions: Building My Support System
Safe Study Spaces
Women-only libraries, 24/7 secure hostels with CCTV
Pro Tip: Research hostels with good security reviews
Support Networks
Join women UPSC groups, find female mentors
Pro Tip: Connect with successful female officers
Family Counseling
Educate family about civil services opportunities
Pro Tip: Show them success stories and job security
Time Management
Balance preparation with family responsibilities
Pro Tip: Create realistic study schedules
My Practical Action Plan
Secure Accommodation
Found Unacademy Girls Hostel in Karol Bagh - 24/7 security, CCTV, and women-only floors
Study Groups
Joined "Ladies UPSC Warriors" WhatsApp group - 200+ female aspirants sharing resources and motivation
Safety Protocols
Shared live location with family, avoided late-night travel, always carried pepper spray
The Journey to Success: Balancing Fears and Determination
First Attempt (2017)
Failed at Prelims - 76/200
Reason: Poor time management, lack of proper guidance, spent too much time on safety concerns rather than studies
Second Attempt (2018)
Cleared Prelims, failed in Mains
Reason: Good preparation but poor answer writing skills, struggled with Ethics paper especially
Third Attempt (2019)
Success! AIR 89
Perfect strategy: Strong foundation + regular answer writing + mock interviews with female officers
What Changed in My Successful Attempt
Strategic Changes
- Joined test series specifically designed by female officers
- Found a female mentor (Riya Ma'am - IAS 2015) through LinkedIn
- Attended weekend group discussions at India International Centre
- Practiced interview questions about gender-specific challenges
Personal Growth
- Learned to say NO to family functions during preparation months
- Built confidence through public speaking at Toastmasters
- Developed thick skin against discouraging comments
- Created daily affirmations: "I belong in the civil services"
Message for Future Female Officers
Your gender is your strength, not your limitation
For Current Aspirants
- Your safety concerns are valid - address them practically
- Find female mentors and support networks early
- Don't let anyone timeline your life - prepare at your pace
- Use your empathy and perspective as strengths
- Remember: India needs more women in administration
What I Wish I Knew Earlier
- Invest in good coaching if affordable - it saves time
- Build answer writing skills from day one
- Network with female officers on social media
- Practice explaining your career choice confidently
- Celebrate small wins - the journey is long
Join the Movement
Every female IAS, IPS, or IFS officer today was once told she couldn't make it. Let's create a support system where no girl has to choose between dreams and societal expectations.
Kavya Sharma, IAS
Assistant Collector, Maharashtra | UPSC CSE 2019 - AIR 89
Currently serving as Assistant Collector in Pune district, Kavya is passionate about women's safety and education policies. She mentors female UPSC aspirants through her weekend sessions and actively works on creating safer spaces for women in government accommodations.